3 – Man Stuck In Chimney, LOTI Pencil, Hobos, and Social Media Trends

Before we begin today, we had a viewer, if you can believe it or not, somebody wrote into the show, and they said they were hoping to get an update on the bird situation. In my first episode, so if you’re new to the show or if you aren’t familiar with what I’m talking about, the first episode, I went on a little bit of a rant about these birds.

What else is new? The birds are back. The birds are back. The birds are back. And despite all of my best efforts, I wasn’t able to prevent them from putting their nest on my ledge. But update, actually, so what I did was I went down to the pet feed shop and I actually bought bird seed. And instead of trying to deter them from my window, I thought, okay, I’ll just attract them to my neighbor’s window.

So actually what I did, I just took bird seed and threw it on my neighbor’s window. And the birds left mine and now they built a nest on my neighbor’s window. Solved it. Sometimes I guess you don’t have to fight fire with fire. Turns out water is a good combatant against fire. So yeah, that’s the update. I am living bird free now and life couldn’t be any better.

2 – Self Checkout Chaos, Unemployed Chinese, Steroid Olympics, Legal Lethal Injections

In this week’s episode of Sugar Before Bed, Andrew dives into the absurdity of a Walmart self-checkout disaster involving 999 avocados, unemployed Chinese youths paying fake companies to pretend to work, the upcoming Enhanced Games (aka the Olympics on steroids), where performance-enhancing drugs are encouraged, and finally, proposes the idea of legal lethal injections after his latest encounter with the Poopy Bandit.

If you’ve ever lost sleep over strange news stories, bizarre public behavior, or just the general decline of society, this episode is for you. Don’t forget to subscribe to Sugar Before Bed on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your comedy and news podcasts, and leave a review if your produce section hasn’t been tainted by the Poopy Bandit.

1: Helicopter Parents, Birds, Sydney Sweeney Soap, Iranian Spoonman

In this debut episode, Andrew kicks things off with a few chaotic life stories that have ruined his sleep cycle yet again. First, he reflects on his childhood best friend having a kid and how it relates to helicopter parents, and the time someone paid me to hang out with their son.

Then it’s off to war – with birds nesting outside his bathroom window, and his totally ineffective attempts at figuring out how to get rid of birds and bird nests.

In this episode’s weird news article segment, he dives into the bizarre case of Sydney Sweeney’s bathwater being turned into soap (Dr. Squatch Sydney’s Bathwater Bliss) and questions how many Guinness Book of World Records entries one man can earn with spoons stuck to his body.